Saturday Thoughts
I don’t often spend my Saturdays at home with the boys. For the past year I’ve been working Saturdays due to it making sense for childcare. But I’m on sick leave at the moment trying to process everything that has happened these last few months. I felt it was important to allow myself the time to grieve and say goodbye to my Nan instead of burying all the feelings like I usually do. I wouldn’t say grief has been what I’d have expected it to be. The times I thought I’d feel most sad are the times I’ve felt most numb and just in pure disbelief. For now I can tell myself it’s not actually real and I can still phone her or send her a message and I’ll get a reply. She will still be sitting there in her chair, in her home - a place we grew up full of love, laughter and precious memories. She was cremated on Tuesday and we had a little gathering to remember her but it still doesn’t feel real? I feel like I’m living on edge and waiting for it to smack me straight in the face. But maybe this is...